~Incredible moment while nursing~

OK let me preface this with saying I have barely any feeling left on my nips so when LO latches or unlatches I barely feel it.

Last night during her last nurse, I was sitting in my usual spot, but I had my head back and my eyes closed..I was just sooo tired. I opened my eyes and looked down. My LO was just staring up at me, and for how long she was doing that I have no idea, and I had the oddest sensation..not de ja vu..but close to it. I looked in her eyes and I had that feeling of, "I met you somewhere and I already know you." I would swear I saw her soul and experienced the phenomenon what is called "soul recognition". I mean, it was mind-blowing! It was like I knew her from another life or something..it was just one of those crazy wonderful things that you can't even explain and no one "gets" unless it has happened to them.

~Perspective~

This week 2 Beluga Whales were born in Massachusetts. Which, in itself is all well and good and exciting. However, what is not well and good and exciting is how I can relate to this event.

One of the male calves measured in at 5 feet 4 inches long, which is exactly how tall I am. He weighed in at a healthy 167lbs. I currently weighed in as of this morning 181lbs.

Yes..that makes me larger than a newborn Beluga Whale. Awesome.

~He's moving back in~

Bah. I have 2 more nights and then it is all over. 2 more nights and the Scott moves back into the Master bedroom. 2 more nights of free sleeping in the king bed. 2 more nights..and then I have to give up the goods too. I'm actually kind of enjoying this arrangement, but all good things must come to an end sometimes.

Not looking forward to that moment of just falling asleep and then I hear a massive fart or a snore or he needs to flip over or he gets up to pee...bah.

~4 Month well-visit~

Well they were able to do the stool tests (yay) and they all came back negative (double yay). I suppose she is just going to be one of those kids who has really (and I mean really) smelly poo. Lucky me!

We also went to the Pediatrician on Monday for her 4 mos shots and all the other goodies. She was a champ with the shots and only cried during one of them but that was becasuse it burned a bit. But as soon as she started crying it was over. So that was good. Another thing that was good was she slept like a champ for her naps and slept straight through the night! Although Mommy looked like she had had a breast augmentation in the middle of the night when she woke up. That wasn't any fun.

She currently weighs 14.9 lbs and is 25 inches long; which puts her in the 75-90 percentile for both. I heard a rumor babies weren't supposed to double their birth weight until they were 6 months old; apparently Madelyn did not get that memo.

We also started talking about solids! She has been eating rice cereal with every meal since she was 3 mos old (reflux issues..yadda yadda yadda) and we have gone fro the consistency of melted ice cream to a thick gruel in a month. She takes 5 mL in a syringe, as she is nursed, and then yesterday she took 5mL in the syringe and then another 5mL in a spoon and in her high chair! And it didn't even end up all over her face and bib! What a big girl! We were also instructed to begin giving her oatmeal in a few weeks, however I think I will just wait until all the rice cereal is gone and then start the oatmeal, which will probably be in 1 week, no biggie I think. Then at 6 months we can get her on the yellow veggies. So exciting!

It's really nice to have some good news to report.

~Poop, God, and humdingers..oh my~

So I was finally able to get all those poopie samples back to the lab only to be told that they may be too old for processing. Um, excuse me? I told them I was told by the woman who gave me the vials to hand them all in at once, and since this little girl only poops once per day if I am lucky these days it took a while to get them here. (Insert big drawn out sigh from the tech) Well 'll try and do the tesst on them but I can't give you any guarantees. Oh gee thanks! Oh and why did they give you 5 vials..you should have only had 3. Heh..that's what I thought too. BAH.

We had her baptism the weekend of Thanksgiving and it went swimmingly well. She behaved like a perfect lady in church, a little squirmy but hey..she's a baby! The food was catered and was just delicious, although an expense I felt we could have done without. The cake was from Modern...mmm...and sadly I could not partake in the devouring of it as it was filled with all things dairy. Alas. The little lady recieved some wonderful gifts as well as a nice fat share of Disney stock..woohoo! I told Scott that we'll have to visit Disney often to check on the progress, stability and standing of her holding.

So speaking of dairy I thought I'd do a little experiment to see what was causing the puking..soy or dairy..and what a way to go out than to eat a slice of that yummy cake. HA! At the next feeding she was puking up a storm..poor lady..so now I know the culprit, and it seems going dairy free with the Pepcid is making a huge difference. Slowly it is going away again as it takes a bit for it to work its way through her system.

Tree went up as well as some new outside lights on out hedges.

Went to see Santa Claus this past weekend as well. She did absurdly well. No tears, fits or pukes!

First significant snow today too. Can't wait to bundle her up in her new snowsuit and take her out in it for a bit. Going to be fun to see her touch it for the first time..I'm chuckling thinking about it although it stinks Scott won't be home for the experience.

And lastly, the humdinger finally made its appearance. Blah...

~What the hell is going on around here?~

OK so on Tuesday, Nov 24th I called the Pedi for a follow up call about Miss Madelyn's GI stuff, told her she was keeping her food down much better and her diapers finally looked like what a BF baby's diaper should, although I mentioned it really stunk..like so bad it would make your head whip back..really nasty. She said no worries and to carry on. Fine. Within 24 hours of that phone call the diapers took on a whole new look. Poop that looked like holiday gravy (aren't you glad I waited until after Thanksgiving to post this?) and that smell like nothing else I have ever experienced. I nearly threw up from it. And she also had a dime sized glob of blood in her stool. Great. I call her Pedi again on Wednesday morning. She orders all these tests. So I go pick up the paperwork then shoot over to the lab to get the vials. OMG. I have to fill 6 vials. How in the heck am I going to do that when her diaper absorbs 90% of it? They say "oh just line it with plastic and hope for the best". Yeah right lady. So I post on trusted Baby Center for recommendations for the worst diaper ever. Told to get the Wally World brand; Parent's Choice. M kay...now I can't put her in these on Thursday (Thanksgiving), and then I wasn't about to venture into that store on Black Friday for 1 pack of diapers, so we finally get around to getting them on Saturday afternoon, but since she did her poop for the day already I wasn't going to use them. But then Sunday was out because it was her baptism. So guess who is stuck (literally) shoveling shit this week..me. Gah..so when she wakes up form her nap today she gets her first Wally World brand diaper.

Now on to me. Saturday night, Nov 28th, I had the same thing happen to me as I did the other night..chills, can't get warm, chattering teeth, nausea, etc, but thankfully no abdominal pain, although that was replaced by a raging headache. The only differences were my temp went up and I had pain in my joints..and it went up fast. At midnight I was registering about a 98 or so (I run normally at 97)..then by 4am I was 100.8 shivering, chattering bundled up under the electric blanket and I had goosebumps to boot. Then around 5 the fever broke and I was sweating bullets. So weird.

Then yesterday after all our baptism guests left (all 9 of them!) it happened again, under blankets, freezing, chattering, nausea, goosebumps etc..no abdominal pain, yet a raging headache; fever spiked to 100.1, then broke again.

I'm kinda scared to say the least, seeing it renders me unable to function and I have a 15 week old child. So I called my OB this morning and waiting now for the call back. Curious if any or all of this is related to childbirth or the fact he casually mentioned I may need a D&C or what. We shall see.

Although on the upside, I have finally stopped bleeding..yay for small miracles.

But then again I am wondering if something is wrong that is totally unrelated to ANYTHING, you know?

~Update~

So I was supposed to call my OB/GYN this week for a follow up on my bleeding and all that jazz. Why I decided to wait until Friday (today) was anyone's guess. But so I did. Anyways...3PM rolls around and I suddenly start getting abdominal pain. Hrmm..I'd guess it was something I ate but since my lunch consisted of cheerios I was pretty sure it wasn't that. Flash forward to 6PM. I feel like I am dying. I am crying I am in so much pain. It is coming in waves and spreading towards my back. I am exhausted and am finding it hard to piece together conversation. I'm dropping things..motor skills are pretty warped and I feel like I am going to throw up. What is going on? I have the chills and my temperature is 95.5F. Umm..what?! OK that is .5 degrees shy of being hypothermic. WTF? I am so debilitated that I can not take care of Madelyn. All I can do is feed her and even that is challenging.

I feed her, hand her to Scott, and crawl up the stairs to lay in bed in hopes of getting warm and making it easier to bear the pain. I give in and all the OB after hours. I get a doctor who is not my own and explain it all to her (including a short background on the mini-pill fiasco), using almost all my energy to focus on the conversation. She calls in Motrin 800 and of all things says to me, "Well. It sounds like to me you are in to get a humdinger of a period." Um..what?!?! I'm thinking, you surely can not be serious. Hmm..well um ok..after 45 minutes or so of taking the Motrin 800, I felt a lot better, although the pain was still there it was finally bearable..and than the past thing I thought of before I went to bed was, "Who in the heck uses the word humdinger anymore?"

~Discussion with the OB/GYN~

I called my OB last Wednesday due to the fact I seem to have my period again. Not only do I have my period again, but I exclusively breast feed and I am in the middle of pack of mini-pills. Gah! I was told to call back Monday if I was still bleeding. I am still bleeding, so I call back.

He says: Stop taking the mini-pill and call me next week to see how things are going. If you are still bleeding or stop and start up again, we may need to go in and do a "D and C". Good Lord. Dilation and Curettage. Oh can't wait to line up for that one! Who knew postpartum would be so much fun?!

So like if that is the case how long will I bleed after that?! And how am I able to lactate if that is the case? I was under the impression that if any part, no matter how small, of the placenta was left behind then your body still thinks it is pregnant and you won't produce milk. Hmm...

~Reflux update~

This has been copied/pasted from facebook.

First off I'd like to extend my deepest thanks for everyone's concerns, advice and words of encouragement. This has not been easy for myself or for Madelyn.

We went to the GI specialist on Thursday at 2pm, who happened to be the Aprn. We met with her and described everything. She also concluded that Madelyn has reflux. Fine. She gave us some cards to gather poopie samples to use to test for a food allergy with. She did tell me to not change my diet in the interim, as if I exclude dairy and soy from my diet they are concerned I may not be getting adequate nutrients, so if I needed to start eliminating things, to wait for the poopie results and then meet with the nutritionist.

She also prescribed Pepcid and told us to come back in 4-6 weeks. Fine. She was very clear that the dose she was giving her was .07ml twice a day, and repeated it several times so we'd know. Fine. She writes down on the scrip, .7ml twice a day. I noticed that after I got outside..whatever, I gave it to CVS anyways. They call me at home and say we can't fill this because .7ml twice a day is 10 times the recommended daily dose for an infant. So I was told to contact the doctor on call to clear up the misunderstanding. The doctor on call said .7ml is too much and said it should be .5 ml twice a day. Fine.

Jeff goes to pick up the scrip and CVS says they need to verify with the doctor that he did indeed say .5ml because .5ml twice a days still 3 times the recommended daily dose for an infant. Good heavens. So we ask, how much should we be giving her then. The pharmacist says no more than .36 ml once per day. Fine. So we go with that, seeing I'd rather give her too little than too much, until I can talk to her regular pediatrician.

I called her after we got home from our lovely morning at the fruit stand, and told her the story, also mentioning to her that I do not feel comfortable going back to this the Aprn citing that if she can't get the dosage correct for a prescription, how can she get the diagnosis correct. The pediatrician agreed with me and told me to call them back and insist Madelyn see a doctor for her follow-up and not the Aprn. She also did the math and said that the .5ml twice day was correct based upon mg/ml in the suspension.

So we go back to the pediatrician on Nov 13 for a weight check, and back to the GI Doctor Dec 10th. And then at some point get results back to see if there is a food allergy.

~Mother Nature, go bother someone else...~

Yes this is a post about Aunt Flo..if you are grossed out by that don't read any further. Me on the other hand, I had a child so nothing grosses me out anymore.. ;) But then again if you haven't been grossed out by me yet by reading this blog then this will seem like child's play. Ha! Anyways..

Let me begin by saying since I gave birth on Aug 14..I have had only one week where I was discharge/blood free.

So I am on the mini pill, and I am on my second pack. Last week I started having a lot of clear/whitish discharge..I figured oh I'm ovulating..WEIRD seeing I am in the middle of this pack of pills..but whatever..my body is probably still out of whack..fine..well then the discharge slowly became brown..and now I have my period..AGAIN...complete with some small lochia. What the hell??

I do take a multivitamin and iron supplements.

Has this happened to you reader, if so what did you do? How long did it last? Has it corrected itself yet?

I feel like I am getting screwed here..and poor Scott is probably growing hair on his palms by now.

~(not so) Well child visit~

OK so we went to the pedi today for the first round of vaccines. Ugh. She screamed bloody murder, passed out cold in the car seat, fussed and whined when we got home, got fed, and now is passed out in her swing. She never takes naps during the day so I figure this is due to the vaccines. No biggie. She deserves (and needs) a nap!

She also weighed in at 12.13lbs (90%), length 23.25 (75%-90%), HC 41cm (90%).

You'd think I'd be over the moon with these results,but in fact I am the opposite. I'm crushed and I cried after she got weighed. Here is why:

Her last visit (which was a sick visit for reflux) she weighed 12.5lbs. Shedid not stay the same, and she did not gain, she LOST weight. She has really really bad reflux, like to the point of being on the strongest meds you can be on it for a wee bairn. My mother's instinct told me she was not on track and this proves it. She should have weighed in between 13-15 lbs, the doctor confirmed that. So this proves to everyone else that she is indeed spitting up 90% of what she takes in and no I am not crazy. In your faces. All of you.

We are now waiting for a call from the doctor to tell us when we go see the Gastro-Intestinal specialist at Children's Medical Center. *sigh*

~She's "ethnic"?!~

Well my MIL has done it..again...said something completely inappropriate and unnecessary.

Yesterday she was over the house as she tends to do every Tuesday. She arrives at 11AM and proceeds to stay until 2PM. Um..ok... Anyways, I have on Days of Our Lives because since being home now with Madelyn I have gotten re-addicted and learned yesterday that Nicole used to be a porn star. Whoa! Or as Chad put it, "and old washed up nymphomaniac porn star"..lol Anyways..on this show there is a character named Lexie. She is Stephano DiMera's daughter from way back. She is a respected doctor on this show and quite possibly one of the only female characters who is not a lying manipulative bitch. Also, her history is that she is half black/half white, so she comes from a mixed background. So. The scene on the TV is Lexie is chatting with Bo in the hospital, and at the time my MIL was chatting with Madelyn. My MIL looks up at the screen, looks back to Madeyn and says, "Oh don't pay attention to her, she looks incredibly ethnic, don't you think?" She then looked at me with a chuckle and I was staring at her with my mouth wide open. I quickly closed it, raised my eyebrows and gave her that subtle look of disapproval.

How do I tell her that saying these things around my daughter is completely out of line? I realize that she was born and raised in Virginia and her grandfather was in the KKK, no lie, they have the robes to prove it..scary..but come on! I feel like I can't even tell Scott now about it because he basically told me he does not want to hear anything negative about his mom ever again. Wtf am I supposed to do? I'm terrified of bringing this up. Not only that, this is not the first time she has done something like this. A few Thanksgivings ago, she said something about one of the football players on TV, "No wonder he can run so fast. He is black you know." My mother was so offended she left the room. And she also had something to say about one of my dear dear friends who came to our wedding. She asked Scott if he was really invited or was crashing the party. Are. You. Serious.

I can't even imagine what she will say if she ever meets my kid's doctor. Who I know I have told you all about. But for a quick refresher, she was born in Pakistan, wears a borderline Bhurka, lines her arms with thin gold bangles, and speaks 4 languages; 2 of which I have never even heard of in my life. She is very educated and an extremely nice lady.

It saddens me that all my MIL can see is the color of a person's skin and not the beauty that lays inside all while letting us all know publically that is how she feels. I'm makes me ill.

~More bitching...~

OK so it's official. I hate my body. The only things I can still wear are maternity and sweats. It sucks. I know it will get better because it took my body 9 months to get this way and it will surely take at least that to get it back but it still sucks.

We went to a wedding last weekend (yay for me for an adult night out!) but it cost us so much money because I had to get an entire new outfit. Going to Marshall's or TJ Maxx right now is a frickin' joke, so we had to venture out and spend real money..lol. Scary. So Scott and I went to CHICO'S, J Jill, and White House/Black Market. As much as I liked hiding in the "travel" line of CHICO'S, I am not 50 years old (yet) so therefore it wasn't an option. WHBM was a cruel joke for me. Dear Lord..oh yes and to make myself feel worse I walked into Ann Taylor. I used to work there years ago..I forgot how it is geared towards (really) skinny people. Last resort, J Jill. Oh help.

I told the sales lady this: I just had a baby 7 weeks ago and I hate my body. We are going to a wedding on Saturday. I need something I can hide in. Help. $195.88 later, I had an outfit. It is from their "wearever" line of clothing. A line they always carry and update pieces every season so you can add to your collection to keep it refreshed. Nice. It feels like pajamas (bonus) when I have it on and it is washable (double bonus). I was feeling really good about myself, until we got there and we began the round of picture taking. Two of my very good girl pals were sitting with us (who I love dearly by the way), however, both of them could fit into one of the pant legs pf the outfit I was wearing. As soon as I saw myself in the pictures next to them, I felt like such a whale and could not wait to get the hell out of there and was relieved when 8pm rolled around and we had to get home so I could BF Madelyn.

I seriously almost cried when I saw the first picture of the night. Sigh.

~All hail the swaddle~

So 1 day before her 6 week milestone I decided to swaddle her again at night. Why? Well she flails her arms around a lot and I thought that maybe that is what wakes her up at night. Sure enough. We swaddled her and BANG..slept like a champ. It has been 7 nights now and only 1 mishap. I am so glad I can't even tell you, although I may also be a bit spoiled now with a 6 week old kid who sleeps through the night. I realize it's not exactly normal, but hey, I'll take it.

This came about when at 5 weeks I decided I would allow her to wake me up when she needed me, instead of me waking her up to eat. However, during the day I was still prodding her every 3 hours. Fine. In doing this, she actually went longer in between feedings for some of those nights and less in others. I was wondering how to get some nightly consistency, so I tried the swaddle again, and lo and behold a sleeping baby!

I hope I didn't just jinx myself..oh God that would suck.

Of course Mommy isn't sleeping nearly as well as baby because she is still up every 3-4 hours anyways just to check on the little one. But yay..it's Friday which means Scott gets to monitor the monitor, which means..someone else has the responsibilty..which means I will sleep uninterrupted as long as Madelyn allows me to. Nurse Scott will wake me if she needs me. Such joy! I love weekends!

~No "ifs" or "ands", just butts!~

So we had out first exploding diaper yesterday. I have to say it wasn't that bad, although I am sure it just a precursor of things to come. A wee bit skirted out the back and hence we had to change our outfit and "Zoo Friends" went into the wash. She was so proud of herself too and gave me a big old smile! In fact, she has started to smile in response to our smiles. Her whole face lights up. It's just precious.

I'm also wondering when she will be in size 2 diapers, seeing we are almost out of size 1. Ok well by the looks of it we aren't almost out, but when you have a kid who goes through like 10-12 diapers a day, then yeah..we're almost out. She is almost 24 inches long and probably 11-12 pounds at this point (just ask my back) so I will just use these size 1's until they are gone and then I'll just switch to size 2.

On another note, I have a freeloader and I have no idea where it came from. I though hemorrhoids were supposed to happen like right after you gave birth and stuff. And I know I had them a bit during pregnancy, although they went away for the last 3 or so months. Hrmm..well I woke up the other day with an almond in my ass. Yes, I bent over with a mirror and looked. I had to know what I was in for. Just in time for ny 6 week pp too. What joy! So out came the witch hazel, store brand tucks, sitz bath and creams. *sigh* Like I have time to sitz? When I get 15 mins to my own, that is not the first thing that comes to my mind to do, you know? Laundry, vacuuming, dishes, swiffering..that is what takes that time. Arg..oh well. Back to the drawing board I guess.

~Bad day already..and it's not even 10AM yet!~

Ok so..today was the big day. A real bath for the little lady. How exciting! The plan was to give her this warm fabulous real bath, dress her in a fuzzy fleecy outfit, then fill her belly to her hearts content, and then lay down for a nice nap. Who wouldn't want that kind of morning?

Apparently God had other plans for me today.

I get the bath all set up, including her clothes, new diaper, and all the other necesities one needs for a succesful baby bath. I follow the instructions on the bath...*snap* goes the bath. Perfect. Should have no leaks according to the directions. I give the bath a once over to make double sure. Looks good. I start to fill th ebath. While filling it I attept to "lock" the incline wedge into place (she needs to use the incline wedge because she can't sit up by herself) and find after much fidgeting, it won't lock, it just rests..hmm...that looks wobbly. Sure enough, it is very wobbly. Grrreeeaaat.

Wait a second..why are my feet feeling really warm right now? I look down. Oh shit. The bath has now leaked at least 3-4 gallon of water all over. On the counter, down the cabinets and lastly all over the floor; soaking my 2 kitchen rugs and running under the fridge and the oven. As I am wrapping my head around this fiasco I hear Madelyn decide this would be a great time to wake up and scream her head off. Jesus. Well I gotta tend to this water, well, at least get the majority up. So there I am at 8:00AM on my hands and knees with bath towels trying to get this water up all while hearing my daughter scream bloody murder from her swing. Gah.

Fine..most of the water is up, so I go get her and we settle down on the couch for her breakfast. it is then I realize I am also soaking wet from the knees down. Awesome.

Have I mentioned I have been awake for some degree since 2AM? *sigh*

I need a drink and it's not even 10AM yet....

~Me time~

Yesterday I took some well deserved me time..well of course Madelyn was with me, but it was still me time as far as I am concerned. I said to myself, well the last 10 months have been all about you little lady, mommy needs something. So mommy went out and got her hair done. The last time I got it done was before my baby shower so that was what, June..it's now September and things were looking a bit scary above the shoulders.

Long gone is the blonde. And I mean GONE. I went dark. Like really dark. Darker than my natural color. And guess what? I freaking LOVE it!! I have no idea why I didn't do this before! Oh and I chopped off like 3 inches. I feel refreshed and new, a feeling I needed to feel.

Scott admitted to me the day before he was nervous and wasn't sure if he was ready to give up having a blonde wife. I said, well you can go get another one (blonde wife) but it will cost ya! ;) So he comes home yesterday and was just floored. He really likes it too. Although last night when we hugged and kissed goodnight he was a bit freaked out because it was different hair under his chin. He was like, wait..who are you? Heehee!

~Wait, what?~

OK so I was just watching the Bonnie Hunt Show..which I love by the way..and there was a lady on there who stated that, "Breast fed babies poop does not smell. It smells like buttered popcorn."

Um..yeah ok..I don't know what babies she is talking about..but my kid's poop does not smell like buttered popcorn in the slightest. It smells like poop. Period. Case closed.

On the other hand it resembles coarse mustard in a very scary way. Now I know why one of my dearest friends loathes mustard.

~Some improvement & MIL..~

OK so we seem to be getting on to some sort of sleep/eat pattern and let me tell you I am *not* complaining one bit...ok maybe a little. During the day the little lady requests her table for one almost every 2 hours..sometimes it is more frequently. Like she'll settle down to eat at say 1, finish at 1:30 and then want to eat a again at 2 and finish at 3..but then won't want another reservation until about 5. I'd be inclined to call it cluster feeding if she didn't go 4 hours bewteen sittings during the night. Now do not think for one second that means Mommy is getting 4 hours of sleep..hahahaha..you kill me! No. It will take her at least 4-5 diaper changes per feeding and 30-45 minutes after she is done to calm down enough to go to sleep. So you can see these feedings can easily last 1 1/2 and sometimes on a bad night 2 hours. *sigh*

Now on the other subject. Some people think it is taboo to talk about their MIL, I on the other hand say, if I know you and I am on this blog, you are fair game! I'll just change your name. :)

So the other day she comes over. Fab. Why "fab"? Well I need some sleep, and yes I know "sleep when the baby sleeps" is all well and good but the fact of the matter is you get much better sleep when there is another person in your home watching the kid. You actually sleep, and if you are lucky reach REM sleep, not hover over the bed with your eyes closed.

Anyways, she decides she wants to take Madelyn for a walk while I sleep. Even better. So I show her how to work the stroller/car seat. OK well more like I show myself how it works because the fucking woman I swear has ADD. I put the car seat in the stroller for her..all she had to do was put baby in and take baby out. I tried to make this super simple for her so she could wrap her pea brain around it. Apparently even that was too much. I am in the middle of my demostration when she decides that would be a cruicial time to mention that we have lots of black ants on our driveway. Yes Ellen I know this..can we pay attention? OK, still showing her how to secure Madelyn in the seat and; "Oh, don"t tell Scott but he looks like he has put on some weight." Um, ok..you are THIS close to me telling you that if you can't pay enough attention to this demo to make sure your grand daughter is safe and survives the walk, you will not and can not take her anywhere out of my fucking sight. Ever.

I decide ok, I'm done with this..I'm too tired right now to cater to you. You raised 3 kids, Lord knows how you didn't kill them, but shit, YOU figure it out. I'm going to bed. I'll see you in 3 hours.

I find out later she called Scott at work so he could come home and put Madelyn in the car seat for her. Do you bleive this?! And of course later on when he came home from work for real I had to explain myself. Good grief. Like I have the energy for this bullshit??? Eat your baked ziti and can it, ok?

~I heart my husband~

He let me sleep from 5:30PM until 11:00PM this evening..what a Godsend!

~Ugh.,.~

I don't feel like failure, but I'm not patting myself on the back here either. I broke down this morning and gave Madelyn her first (and hopefully last) bottle of formula (Enfamil Gentlease). Why did I do it you must be asking yourself, especially after I went on and on about how much I loved breast feeding and how well she was doing. OK well here are my reasons:

Last night was, in a nutshell, horrendous. Actually, the last 2 nights were horrendous. For example, we'd wake at midnight and it would take her 1.5 hours to eat from both sides. Why so long, oh lets count 3 or 4 diaper changes per feed (she craps like no body's business), and at least 5 burps we have to get up and out of her. Then she'd decide she wanted a break and would do one of three things; fall asleep, do aerobics or play what I call "the latch game". First things first, falling asleep sounds great but in reality it is a ploy; she isn't really asleep. If she was really sleeping then me getting up from the rocker and putting her to bed would not rouse her, but in fact when I take the plunge and decide to get up and put her to bed, she in fact opens her eyes and looks at me like "how dare you move me". So yeah, the book will not be judged by its cover.

By "dancing" I mean she will stare out into space and move her legs as if she is dancing, swimming, running, whatever..and in the process of her doing her calisthenics, she kicks me in the gut or boobs. Highly unpleasant and extremely annoying. During these work outs she will not latch..at all.

Now the "latch game" which I think Madelyn finds hysterically funny given the faces that she makes while doing this, is probably one of the most painful things I have ever endured. This is where she will latch for like 30 seconds (or less) and then unlatch, then relatch and unlatch, and well you get the idea. And for anyone who has ever breastfed you know the latch is the most painful and hardest part of the whole process. Needless to say after 2 nights of this fiasco my nips are sore and swollen and the thought of having her latch one more time...yeah...

So my boobies needed a rest, and I gave it to them, sue me. Although I did pump twice this morning and got 4 oz each time in about 40 minutes. My goal here is to use one bottle for one night feeding now and the nuse the boob for the other, but then again...

OK you know how they say to time your feedings, right? You don't count when you ended but when you started, so like if you start at 1:00 you do the next one at 4:00 and then the next one at 7:00 etc etc..if you are on a 3 hour scheduale. Well, this is how it went down last night/yesterday (and yes I tried everything else before I gave her the boob again and again):
4:36AM-5:50AM
9:26AM-10:30AM
12:46PM-1:30PM
2:00PM-2:20PM
3:40PM-4:00PM
4:20PM-4:40PM
5:00PM-5:20PM
8:22PM-10:20PM
12:22AM-2:00AM
2:30AM-300AM
4:00AM-5:00AM (massive crying fit; put her in a "safe place", popped some ear plugs and slept..finally)
8:50AM-9:30AM (4 oz formula feed)

See my issues right now? Oh and not to even mention that in this time frame we had 19 poopie diapers.

~Pediatrician visit~

Well it seems she is getting enough to eat..something that is hard to judge when you are feeding via the breast. She is up to 8.5 lbs, 21.25 inches long and her head circumference puts her in the 75th percentile.

Her weight puts her in the 50 percentile and her length puts her in the 75th...yay! Also her bloodshot eye that is still bloodshot will just take some extra time to get better..her cord fell off today..Oh what a big girl she is now! And that horrible choking noise (striding the doc called it) she makes when she is sleeping is totally normal. So nice to be reaffirmed that things are going well from someone who knows what they are doing!

~I heart Breastfeeding~

No really..I do! It's so easy too..although I know some of you out there do not want to hear me go on and on about how easy it is, seeing lots of people have had trouble. I love the bonding and it relaxes me when we feed. Sure the first few days were painful, no doubt about that, but after sticking it out, one day she latched and the pain was fleeting..just for the first few initial sucks, and then ahhhh.... nothing.

I feel bad though because Scott hasn't been able to give her a bottle yet, and all she does is scream for 2-3 hours after he comes home...although that will change tonight! She was able to take a bottle yesterday from me, drank 2 oz in 15 minutes and promptly passed out cold. So tonight the plan is for Scott to give her her "dream feed" (the last feeding before she is put to bed) and see how she does. It will be awesome to see those two together too! He needs the (positive) bonding as he is convinced she hates his guts..every time he picks her up she screams..poor guy. He even said the other day, "All she will love me for are my credit cards."

And on a completely random and different note I need to give a shout out and a HUGE thank you to my mom who has driven 2 hours every day this week so far to help me out and hang out with the little girl. She rocks!

~Madelyn Rachel has arrived~

I know I haven't updated in a while but I have been a bit busy..you know..giving birth and all!

OK so after about 17 hours of labor and 1 hour of pushing, my little girl has made her way into the world.

Her stats:
Aug 14 2009
1:53AM
7.78 lbs
19 inches long
full head of dark brown hair

I went in to be induced at 7am on August 13th..and by 7:30 I was already harboring a capsule of misoprostal to get things moving. Six hours later I had dilated 1 more cm so we began the pitocin. At that point Scott decided it was probably going to be his last chance to get something from the cafeteria to eat so he took it. And about 5 minutes after he was gone I was in excruciating pain, but I waited it out until the nurse came back in the room..which seemed like an eternity but in fact was only like 2 more minutes. I caved and asked her for ther epidural. She knew how I felt about it from the beginning and asked me why I thought I suddenly needed it. I said well looking at the print out and the contraction monitor, you'll see that I have never really had a break from them. They never "flatlined" so to speak..so for the last 6 hours I have been having one long continuous contraction (more or less) that just differed here and there on degrees of pain. Yes I am in pain, but I am more concerned about later when I have to push, I may not have the energy because I was not able to realx. She took a look and agreed with me that for the past 6 hours my body had not had a break and ordered the epidural.

Scott came back abot 5 minutes later and I told him I caved and the anethesiologists were on their way. No sooner did those words escape my lips then *bam*..they were in the room..talk about service! The team was 1 Resident, 1 Nurse and 1 Doctor. Obviously, they were going to have th Resident do the catheter. Fine. The doctor is *right* there. He won't allow them to hurt me....much. Long story short, after the Resident audibly exclaimed, "Oops!" and I felt a trickle of *something* down my back, the Doctor bascially pushed him aside and said he was making him "neurotic" and did it himself. Ahh..relief.

After about 1 hour of pitocin..they turned it off and I went the rest of the way all by myself..4cm to 10cm in about 4-5 hours.

Fast forward to 11:30PM..massive pain on my right side..we call the anethesiologist and she gave me 4 injections..none of which made any difference. The nurse suggested maybe I start pushing..WHAT?!?! You want me to WHAT?!?! Oh God..it's real now!! So I gave it a few tries, but I felt like I was expending wastefully, so we decided to wait another hour and try again. So we wait.

12:45AM...the next day...let's push...oooookaaaaay...

Epidural got turned down per my request seeing I was having a hard time feeling anything and I wanted to..so we went from 10cc to 8cc..and that made a world of difference. Friggin' awesome! Pop! Out came her head..holy relief...and them *sploosh*..out comes the rest of her...and then that amazing feeling of "aahhhhh..no one wants anything from me right now so I can just lay here and be giddy all alone.."

She came out screaming and scored 9/9 on her APGAR. Not even a trace of vernix on her, and she certainly did not look like a newborn, with the exception of her cone head.

Oh and Scott saw the ENTIRE thing..*sigh* So much for keeping *that* a mystery!

~Getting aquainted with my own mortality~

Last night when I was laying in bed I began to have a panic. I suddenly had the overwhelming feeling that I am going to die in birth or shortly thereafter. I totally flipped out and started crying..of course I didn't tell Scott why I was crying I just said, "Oh I'm just freaked out now that we have a definite end date in sight and I need to get my big girl panties on, that's all." I figured one freaked out person was enough for the evening.

Is this a normal feeling? Do all first time, maybe second and third time moms have this vision of the Grim Reaper? Or is it just that I am suddenly not going to be the last in line in the family tree anymore and that has shaken me up a bit?

A few months back my mother told me her birth story, that began with me being 10 days late, continued with 48 hours of non-induced labor (most of it back labor) and ended with her hemorrhaging on the couch at home and my Dad rushing her to the ER for emergency surgery and several blood transfusions. I often wonder if my Dad had not been trained as a Navy Corpsman during the Vietnam conflict, would he have known the signs and been able to save my mother. I think any other "normal" person would have sat there and waited for the ambulance, however he had the presence of mind to know that the ambulance ride would have ultimately killed her and brought her himself.

My mother is an only child and so am I. My grandmother was 1 of 2. It makes me wonder if when my mother was born her mother had the same issue. However, back in the 1940's women stayed for 2 weeks in the hospital and childbirth wasn't exactly the celebrated family supported event it is now with your husband in the room with you holding your hand. Everything was hush-hush, so if that was the case, I'll never know.

~Yes Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus...~

If nothing else happens in the next 48 hours, I have a standing appointment at L&D for Thursday, August 13 at 6:00AM (so much for going in in the evening) at New Britain General. YAY! So look out for radio silence mode.

On another exciting note, the LO's furniture finally made it's debut, (thanks to the help of her future Uncle Reed) and is in the process now of being set-up. The dresser and end table are together, since they came that way, but the crib is still in pieces. I have to tell you it is taking all of my willpower not to put it together!

All her clothes are put away, but the bedding of course is still all strewn about seeing where it needs to go is not put together..sigh..oh well...Scott promised me that he'd put it together this evening as long as we were still home of course.

~NST~

Ok so we went this morning to get the NST (Non Stress Test) at the OB/GYN's office, a fluid check and internal. Fluid is totally normal and still holding at 80% effaced and 1cm dilated. However, I am apparently having contractions that are 1 minute apart, some I feel and some I don't.

He is convinced that I will have active labor within the next 24-48 hours. I am also to call him tommorrow if nothing happens. And if nothing is happening I will be admitted to the hospital in the evening to have schedualed induction by the end of the week. So I suppose it is safe to say I will have a baby no later than Saturday.

~Late~

So the due date of August 8th, 2009 has come and gone. Why oh why am I not surprised? I know a while back I said I thought I'd go early..but in all reality..I never really believed the doctor when he told me my due date back in January. I was thinking, if that is true then that means I had to have had sex the day after my period ended..like immediately, and that never ever happens. I'm just never really *done* when it's over..for at least a week...hmm..

Over the past 3 days I have consumed more spicy food than one can imagine and all I have gotten from it was some heartburn that over rode my Prevacid. Bah.

I know she'll come when she comes, but I'm so sick of being pregnant!!!!!

~Am I a horrible person?~

Why oh why do I feel this way?

Scott said to me Wednesday night, hey my mom is probably going to call you tomorrow and ask to come up with Lewis. In a nutshell I basically said I wasn't up to seeing anyone, even if it was the Pope flanked by Al Gore and Bill Clinton. So then he says, "well you don't have to then." But Scott, I *feel* like I have to..don't you get it? (It's that whole I'm-afraid-to-offend-the-MIL-thing) So I start cleaning the friggin' house at 8:00PM. He says, "you're just cleaning because my mother might come tomorrow."
I said, "I'd clean if *anyone* was coming tomorrow"..duh!
So then he says, "I'll call her and tell her not to, you shouldn't be worrying about things like this now."
I reply, "No..it's fine," in that stubborn defeated tone of voice. He says, "I'm calling her..case closed."
"Thank you, honey."
So it was done, so I thought.

So then yesterday at 9:00AM my MIL called and basically invited herself and my BIL over during lunchtime. I was kinda hinting that I didn't want anyone over (Hello, I am due on Saturday!) and that there was nothing for lunch here. So then she said, "well I'll take you out to lunch and will pick you up around 12:30-1:00." I reply, "ok, well I know you'll want to go to Marshall's too while you are Lewis are up here, I however will not be joining you on that safari. I'm pretty much dead at 2:00." She said, "Well when I was in the last stages of pregnancy with Reed (other BIL) I could barely move. But anyways, well we'll see you then.." *click* Fuck. Didn't she talk to Scott???

I call Scott and tell him what is going on. He's dumbfounded I said it was ok for her to come over...I was like..I felt like I didn't have a choice. I'm in tears now, borderline hysterical (hormones, I know) and he says that he is calling her now. I hang up and have a meltdown. I'm tired of being the "entertainment". I'm just tired of it all. Scott calls back and says he can't get a hold of either of them and left messages on their cel phones. I tell him thank you and that it's ok and it's my fault. We hang up. Double fuck.

He calls back 5 minutes later and says I just talked to my mother and they were like 3 exits away. Was she mad? No, but she didn't understand why you couldn't tell her yourself. Insert big drawn out sigh from me here. So I apparently offended her *more* by not telling her I didn't want an audience. Triple fuck. I can't win.

Now here is the kicker; a few days ago I had a conversation with Scott about how his mother has a tendency to offend me with the things she says. For example, she said our nursery paint looked like Pepto Bismol. Um, excuse me? Who fucking asked your opinion (#1) and (#2) hasn't anyone ever taught you the difference between constructive criticism and insults? Another example is this: "Well, 50 lbs on me (she is 5' 11" and I am 5' 4") looks *much* different than 50 lbs on *you*." Fuck. You.

Do you not know when to stop talking? Ever? Do you like the sound of your own voice that much?

His mother is a knitter, sewer and painter..she is quite crafty. I said to him in a million years I would never ever say anything negative about any project your mother created. Even if I hated it to no end, I'd search my brain for something positive to say about it. Why? Because that is the respectful thing to do.

You could see he felt bad, and apologized for her behavior, and even offered to call her and talk to her about it on my behalf. I declined and told him that I appreciate the offer (more than he'll ever know) but it is my battle to fight and one day I will say something about it. I assured him though that when I do have the conversation, I will not yell scream and carry on like a banshee, but have it like 2 adults in a respectful conversation. I also added that if anyone (my mother, his mother, etc..) says anything derogatory like that concerning our daughter, I will tell them where to stick it and it may not be a pretty sight.

So where am I going with this you may ask? I am just hoping he does not think these 2 incidents are related, because they certainly are not.

~Will I miss this?~

OK, I don't think I will technically miss being pregnant, but I think there are things about being pregnant I will miss:

1) Crying for no reason and have no one ask me, "What's wrong?"
2) Giant bowls of ice cream on a daily basis at 8:00PM.
3) Saying what I want, when I want without consequence.
4) Napping during the day being a requirement, rather than a luxury.
5) Eating 5-6 meals a day.
6) Whole milk.
7) Twelve oreos at a sitting.
8) Not doing any yard work.
9) Having people put my groceries in my car for me.
10) People moving out of my way without being asked.
11) Not having my period for 9 months.

Some of the things I will not miss:

1) Wearing a pantyliner on a daily basis and if I forget, having wet underwear.
2) Sneezing and peeing simultaneously.
3) Being sweaty 24/7.
4) Not being able to park my car in the garage.
5) Walking 2 miles an hour to get where I am going.
6) Not being able to see my feet.
7) Hip pain!
8) Peeing 5 times or more during the night.
9) Using baby powder like it's going out of style.
10) Throwing up for no reason at all.
11) Snoring!

~Holding steady...~

Ah yes so we went back to the doctor yesterday, and from the way I was feeling I was sure there would be a change..you all know those lovely sharp pains that shoot right up your coocher? yeah..*those* are a fun time. From having those for about a week I was sure that meant something. Well it did, it meant I was having sharp pains shoot up my coocher, nothing else. Gah. So as it stands I am still 1cm dilated and 80% effaced.

So, the plan is this: I have an appointment scheduled for Monday at 9:00AM, which I will keep (obviously) if nothing happens over the weekend. If I do indeed still show for the Monday appointment, I will be hooked up to the monitors (fetal and contraction) for however long that test takes and have another ultrasound. Then we will determine what day, well actually what night is more likely, I will be induced starting with the vaginal suppositories (Scott flinched when he heard that..lol..) and then the pitocin.

I will be texting from the room more than likely to give some updates here and there. Scott does have a laptop but it's for work and none of my stuff is on there so emails will not be forthcoming, although stand by for the blackberry picture! Guess I'd better gather all those email addresses together I will need...

~FOUND: 1 Pediatrician~

I am so excited..today I had what was to be my last interview with a Pediatrician. Why my last? Not because I wanted it to be but basically because time is not on my side anymore. However, it seems this was all I needed anyways!

I went to speak with the doctor at 9:00AM..she is 7 minutes from my house. The building is fairly new, however, her office, waiting room, and exam rooms are immaculate. You could seriously eat off the floor. Not only is she younger (she has been out of school maybe 9-10 years), she is extremely well spoken, has very good bedside manner, and is from Pakistan. She speaks 4 languages; English, Spanish, Hindi (spoken in India, Fiji, Pakistan, Nepal, and Bangladesh), and Urdu (spoken in Pakistan and parts of India). She wears a head scarf, lots of gold bangle bracelets, and a borderline Burka.

It was very important to me to have a woman doctor (number one) but also a doctor who didn't look like a doctor. What I mean is this; when I was growing up all doctors were white men, wore white coats, and had hairy noses and ears. Just like 90% of teachers were white women, wore heels, wore too much red lipstick, and smelled like mothballs. I wanted someone who "broke my mold" and could show my daughter that no matter where you come from you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.

~Nothing new~

So I went to the doctor yesterday for my 38 week appointment and the door is still only 1cm and the curtain is still at 80%. Oh well..better than going backwards I suppose which I hear has been known to happen from time to time. Oh and I lost 2 pounds, which was interesting, but I am thinking it was water that I lost because I can see my ankle bones again.

We will be taking our last childbirth class tonight which will consist of infant CPR and the tour of the Family BirthPlace. Let's hope it's interesting seeing this class is slated to last until like 10:30PM or something obnoxious like that.

I need to remember to ask the instructor about those personalized free samples we were all supposed to be able to pick out from pampers.com. I signed up and whatever and then I was told there would be a link to get free samples..yeah..no dice. Odd. Must ask!

~If at first you don't succeed...~

Try, try again!

After weeks of trying every method known to woman; Vaseline, ice, Windex, baby powder, etc etc etc..the trick that finally worked was 5 days spent in the air conditioning. I few good twists and *POP* off came the wedding ring. I am so relived. Visions of it having to be cut off..oh GOD..that would have been terrible.

&@%$!* USA Baby/Child Space

OMG! So we ordered our furniture in April and we were told a 10-12 week lead time which gave us anywhere between July 5 and July 19.

Let's just say I am due the same day the furniture is due. August 8th?! Are you bloody serious?!

At the rate I am going I will have a baby before I have the furniture. Thank goodness for the pack-n-play so she at least has somewhere to sleep if God forbid the stuff is any later.

The only things that are in are the mattress and the side/end table. So I went and picked up the mattress today so we at least can figure out where we are putting the crib when it finally fucking arrives.

There goes my pipe dream of taking my time with her room in an unstressful manner. Grr...

What really annoys me is the dresser. Like, I need a friggin' place to store shit! Right now it looks like her room puked in the guest room! Arg!!!!!!!!

~Progress...~

I went in today for my 37 week exam and lo-and-behold..in one week we went from 0cm dilation and 0% effaced to; 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. 80%! I was told to "pack my bag" and that "if you called me later tonight or tomorrow and said you were in labor or your water broke, I'd not be surprised." When the doctor said that Scott looked as if he was going to throw up..lol!

Also the doctor told us he'd not be doing another ultrasound unless I go past my due date..which he also says is unlikely at this point. However, from his best guess I am carrying around a "7 pounder in there". So does that mean she'll gain another 2 pounds before she comes out seeing I have 2.5 weeks left at this point? Holy moley....

~I just got myself some cortisone~

Just came home from getting 2 cortisone shots.; one in each wrist. I have to say that was quite painful! Although the first shot was much more painful than the second, probably because I knew what to expect the second time. He said it would take 24-36 hours to feel any difference however I'd feel worse before I got better. He also agreed with me that it is the swelling of tissue that is putting pressure on the nerve, therefore resulting in the carpel tunnel.

Might head to Margaritaville tonight to use out coupon before it expires..nothing cures the soul more than a "Cheeseburger in Paradise". However, one glitch is that Stone Temple Pilots is playing in the same venue as the restaurant and as it was we were debating wether or not to get tickets...hmm...maybe tickets will be an order seeing I hear there are still some available..so much fun that would be. I do love them..

~Back from the Doctor~

So I went in today to the doc for routine stuff..no biggie. Well, ok ..*I'm* biggie..210 lbs to be exact. Yipes! That's a lot of me to love! Oh well, it is what it is and the doc didn't seem to care so guess what...NEITHER DO I!

On a nicer note I came back Strep-B negative...yay...so that is good news to me.

I also got a referral to a hand specialist who I am going to go see on Friday for this God awful Carpel Tunnel Syndrome that has been keeping me up at night. Last night between that and my hips I probably got all of 3 hours of sleep. As soon as the Tylenol wears off and the BioFreeze wears off it's pain central. Poor Scott..I wonder if he gets as much sleep as I do right now? I did get some advice on how to help stretch my hips a bit, so I will try that later on today and see how that works.

I still need a belly support belt, but I am thinking maybe I can use Scott's lifting belt while I am around the house. He bought one when him and his brother were building our bluestone patio..same concept, right?

~Waiting...~

Oh yes waiting..and ever so impatiently for the store to call us and tell us our furniture arrived. We ordered it back in April and were told 10-12 week lead time..so this puts us now in the 10th week. July 5-July 19 is the window..and man we are dying. Our dining room and guest bedroom are still being taken up by all her "stuff" and we can't move it out until the furniture gets here. So frustrating because my house looks SO cluttered. I know I know..this is nothing like the clutter is will be in a few months I am sure of that..but I'd like it to remain clean for as long as possible.

Two days ago I bought this bottle set I had been wanting (for many reasons) called Second Nature.

Of course you can't find it in any store and I had to buy it online. It arrived yesterday. Scott and I of course took it all apart and examined it..then he got the bright idea to put some water in it and see just how difficult it was to get the fluid out. He nearly blew his eyes out! But my reasoning is this: if the kid has enough suction power to take my nipple halfway down her throat then this should not be an issue. We then realized after further inspection I really should have bought the special bottle brush so I could clean the holes thoroughly and also the breast pump adapter with storage seals for the bottles. So I ordered those today. My only concern is this; there are no instructions on how to properly sterilize the bottles, necks, and nipples. I would assume you stick them in boiling water for 5 minutes just like every other one and there was no "use and care instruction" booklet enclosed nor were there care instructions online. So I guess I just have to call them and ask. Annoyed.

~Hands, feet & hips..oh my!~

My cankles are worse than ever it seems. I have rolls and creases on my ankles and my toes look like little sausages. Plus now the insides of my ankles are just as tender as can be.

My hands have been blessed with Carpel Tunnel (which is why I have been absent) and the fourth night it hit was undoubtedly the worst ever. Let's recap! On June 30th I got out of bed at (to make it easy I'll use even numbers) 7AM..showered, ate, got dressed and headed to the OB's office for the ever so much fun Strep-B test at 10AM. Saw the NP (Nurse Practitioner) and chatted with her a bit about CTS. Told her I have a brace and have been wearing it only at night, been doing the hand excersises, been elevating my hands whenever possible, and that Scott had been giving my nightly hand/forearm massages ~ nothing was helping and I was spending half my night on the couch..either sleeping or tossing. She suggested I wear the brace 24/7 and continue to do the things I was doing to see if tyhat helped.

That night I htought I had entered hell. I go to bed at 9PM..wake up at 12:30AM with shooting hot pains in my right hand..can't get rid of them..1:30AM..I decide to get out of bed because I do not want to wake up Scott. I do laps in the living room, hand movements, yoga, massage ~ anything I can think of to relive the pain. It's now 3AM and I am still awake. I start to cry and have a temper tantrum..kicking the ottomans across the room and swearing. It's 4:30AM..and I have reached the point of desperation..I pop 2 Advil (yeah yeah..later on I found out that wasn't so smart..it was all we had..but I was desperate and they didn't help anyways) and hope for the bst. Nothing. I decide to read. At 6:30AM Scott comes downstairs and finds me reading. I haven't slept all night. I called the OB that day and spoke to her about my ordeal..being the July 4th weekend there was no one available to see me..lovely..so I made the decision that if that night was like the last I was going to the ER and begging for a cortisone shot. I did not get to sleep until 9PM that night..I slept 4-5 hours and was happy with that at least. Then THursday I was coherent enough to drive so on a friend's suggestion I went to Walgreens and got Bio Freeze..holy crap..that stuff is great. I recommend it highly for CTS sufferers.

On another note..for the past week my round ligament (http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/roundligamentpain.htm) has just been smarting like no tommorrow. I have to agree with my yoga instructor on this one..she hadn't seen me for over a week, took one look at me last night and said, "You dropped". Cha-ching..explains the round ligament pain...and why my belly seems to now be resting on my thighs whenever I sit down.

I told Scott what she said (You dropped) and I though he was going to have a heart attack seeing we have not yet had a child birthing class with the exception of breast feeding. Oh well..shit happens! And besides, women have been doing this for millenia without anyone teaching them anything, my body can do this without any instruction, that is what it is made for.

~I swear..I'm on them..~

Yes I know..it's not like me to let Thank-You notes go awry..been a bit busy actually..I have 4 more to go and then I will send them out. I can't do the "send out in waves thing"..it just doesn't sit well with me..I like to get it all done at once.

And I just love how this baby bar says something about "mommy's newly formed cankles.." Newly formed? HA! They have been there since May thank you very much and show no sign of stopping. On the flip side, I know that lots of the weight I have gained has come in the form of water, so yay for that..now after the baby pops out I can pee it all out.

On the bad side of it all coming in water..I think my wedding ring has permanently attached itself to my finger. NOT GOOD. I mean, it can still move it around and all but I can't get it off..not for lack of trying either. I hope I don't have to get it cut..oh God..that would be bad. If it was just a simple band of platinum I don't think I'd be freaking out about it as much..as it is, it's a band with bevel set diamonds all around..I can just see it now..*ping* *pang* *sigh* However, I did have the foresight to remove the diamond solitaire engagement ring so I suppose cutting 1 ring is better than cutting two rings.

~It's a Baby Shower~

So Saturday was my baby shower, and I have to say, I actually had a really good time. When I first planned it I was really excited about the whole thing, and as it got closer the anxiety began setting in. By the time the day came, I didn't even want to go and was dreading it. I think it is the whole "center of attention" thing. For those of you who know me this may sound a bit surprising..but yeah, in those sort of situations I do not like being the center of attention. If I could have washed a Xanax down with a shot of cuervo that day, I would have. At home, or when I am out, that is different, but for some reason when it's a party for *me*, I can't deal.

I'm happy to report that on the whole the food did not disappoint, although I thought the portions were a bit small and the salad was weak. However, they made up for it with the size of the dessert..holy cow the tirimisu was enormous and I heard the flourless chocolate cake tasted like fudge, so yay on that note!

I don't know if it was just me, but the room got *really* hot. And by the end I was sweating bullets.

But yes, all in all it was a great afternoon surrounded by loving supportive family and good friends. And I guess if you can rate the "fun factor" of an event by the noise level in the room, I'd say this was a great success!

My little girl received so many wonderful things to help her on her start in life, and Scott and I could not be more appreciative. It was lots of work for mommy though the next day as it turned into 3 loads of laundry and lots of carrying up the stairs, but it was all for a good cause.

Now my nemesis rears it's head..the 'thank you' notes. I'm so bad at writing them, like I wish there was "Mad Libs" for 'thank-yous'. Like, "Thank you for the (noun). We will (verb) with it all the time. It was (adjective) for you to (verb) of us on this special day. Etc etc.." You get the idea..lol...anywyas..they are in the works and hopefully will be sent out by the end of this week.

~Pediatrician interview~

So we went to our first Pediatrician interview yesterday. Mixed feelings.

Are all Pediatrician offices run down looking? You know, stains on the carpet and beat up toys and books? I mean, I know I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but I had no idea what to expect. So someone help me out here. Maybe I am unjustly comparing this office to my own doctor's waiting rooms which are pristine in cleanliness and order.

The good point is they have rights to Children's Medical Center in Hartford Hospital. However, I am wondering if all Central Connecticut Hospitals have those rights..something to research. Another plus is this office is literally 7 minutes door-to-door. There is always at least ONE doctor from this practice that is on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week..and if you need them they will see you at the office..even on Saturdays. I *love* that, but is that a standard practice among Pediatricians? They will do consultations over the phone. They will work with you concerning vaccine scheduales.

I chose to interview this Pediatrician for a few reasons;
1. A woman
2. She is a certified lactation consultant
3. She is close to our age
4. She is also a mom

Why are these things important?
1. I want my child to know that she can achieve anything she wants, and by seeing a doctor who is a woman I think can send that message.
2. I plan on breastfeeding (and if she refuses to latch..I'll pump) and it seemed only natural to try and find someone with this credential.
3. I want someone who is on the same wavelength, you know, I can speak to as a peer, and also someone I know who won't be retiring in 10 years.
4. I like someone who can see both sides of a concern.

She was nice and all..although Scott got mad when she talked over him..lol..I reminded him that he was in HER office and not the other way around.

I don't know..I am having issues with the cleanliness factor of the waiting room, yet the rest of the place seemed clean enough. Plus they had all sorts of Red Sox stuff on the walls, which was a huge plus for me. ;)

~I've been told I'm full of shit before but this is ridiculous~

It seems like I can't stop pooing right now. I just don't get it. I get that "get outta my way" feeling, run to the toilet, and the first round is fabulous..the second not so much and then it just starts to peter out..but yet I go like at least 5 times before noon! The look and color is totally normal, so I'm not all bent out of shape about that, it's just that well, I'd like to have a normal morning!!! I feel like I am stuck in the house until lunchtime. Not only that..my poor little starfish! She has never ever gotten this much abuse. :( Thank goodness for wipes with aloe and witch hazel..I have no idea how people can stand this with plain old dry paper.

~Bittersweet OB visit~

So I went back to the doc yesterday and the good news is I passed my 1 hour glucose test..yay! And then Doc tried taking her heartbeat and she was such the wiggleworm. He says to me, "Jeez, she is all over the place." I said, "You're telling ME?!" She never stops. Even right now my right boob is moving as if possessed.

Also had my first Braxton-Hicks on Monday morning, which was quite interesting. I was always wondering 'how do you know when you have them?' Apparently, you just know. I have had a few more since then but nothing major. It was just a nice reminder that I should really put a beach towel in my car which I did this morning and the perk is, I'm now taller in the car!

The bad news is I gained 20 pounds since my last visit (4 weeks ago) which puts me at a whopping 194lbs. I had a borderline nervous breakdown about that yesterday..crying fits, depression..the whole nine. After I slept on it, rather fitfully I might add, I have come to the conclusion that as long as it seems to be ok with my doc (which it is) then there is nothing to fret about. It is what it is.

Also I talked to my mom and some friends yesterday about it and they were very positive about the whole thing, and Scott was just the sweetest..thankfully he was there in the office when it happened. He told me I was and always will be beautiful to him, after all "you're carrying my child." I did break down again when he came home, and again he was just so sweet, he said he had been worried about me all afternoon because of how I was feeling when we left the doc and all that. He even took the blame which I thought was amusing.

~Shower vent~

OK..so this really friggin' annoys me..and maybe I'm just hormonal and all but when you get an invitation to an event; wedding, shower, birthday party etc.. you respond 'yes' or 'no' to the host or hostess unless otherwise stated, i.e., "regrets only".

So we sent the shower invites out about a month ago..and well over a month prior to the actual shower. I sent out 45; got 27 yeas. A little over half. Sweet, right? Personally..I'm just happy I'm going to make the restaurant the minimum money required to have the room. Well I guess I'd feel better if some people actually called or emailed the hostess and told her yes or no. I mean..is that rude to just not respond at all or is it just me? People did that for my wedding too and it wasn't like I didn't send them an envelope with a stamp on it 2 months out! Like how hard was it to check a little box, lick and seal the envelope and pop it in the mail? Apparently even that was too taxing for some people to do so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that typing in an email would just put undue stress on them for days on end.

The kicker is these are the people who always bitch and moan that there are never any happy occasions in our family and we seem to only get together for wakes and funerals.

However, even though I am just fuming about the rudesss of some people (the majority of which are my blood relatives), I know that who will be there will really want to be there and who will be there will be who *I* really want to be there. So it will all work out in the end I suppose.

~Side Note~
I got a carseat in the mail this week off my registry which was pretty exciting, and I knew it was from my Godmother because I knew she wouldn't be in attendance at the shower due to a vacation they had planned. Oddly enough she wasn't at my wedding shower or my wedding either..but that is a story for another time.

So anyways, let me preface this for you a bit...my Godparents are rolling in money..they are not poor. They live in a paid for in full 800k condo (which was bought 5 years ago for a bit over 4ook), go on incredible vacations every year (China, cruises down the Nile..etc..) and so on. As a kid my Godfather would slip $10s, $20s and the occasional $50 in my hand. When I graduated college in 1998, they presented me a check for $500, which today is still a chunk of change but in 1998, it was astronomical. They never had kids of their own so they always treated me like a daughter. That all being said, I was kinda expecting the stroller to go along with the car seat. Be that as it may, she *split* the cost of the gift with someone else. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for any gift on my registry I receive, but my expectation with her is a bit higher, which I think is justified.

Oh, and she didn't even splurge for the gift wrapping or a card. My card came in the form of an email.

~OMG..I thought my ankles were bad before....~

So yay..back from the "BabyMoon" in Barbados..a lovely too-short of a stay at the Treasure Beach Hotel on Payne's Bay. However..the humidity was not my friend and nor was the schlepping up 3 flights of stairs in the blazing sun to our room. Towards the end of the week we were debating whether or not my feet, toes and legs were better compared to a Cabbage Patch Kid or Miss Piggy. I mean seriously, my fllip flops didn't even fit anymore..like the toe thingy never made it between my toes! Oh well..what was I going to do, cry about it? Heck no..we just pointed and laughed..I mean if you can't laugh at yourself then what good are you?

The good news is my lower limbs and appendages seem to be under control somewhat now..altough I think they won't even be normal again until maybe September...which means..that will probably be the only thing normal in my life at that point...but then again.."normalcy" will take on a whole new meaning!

Ankles..what ankles?

So we had a bit of a heat wave here in these parts..well for April anyways..it was pretty hot..high 80s low 90s and some humidity to boot. My ankles wanted no part of it so they promptly made a run for it. My right one has come back for the time being, however the left is still on hiatus. The feet did get a nice soak in some chilly water yesterday which brought down my body temperature, but I still needed the third shower.

You know, how most people have "3 squares a day", I was having "3 showers a day"..I just felt so gross, ya know? Sweaty in places you never want to be sweaty..and powder can only go so far until you begin to make plaster of Paris and an eventual inadvertent body cast of yourself.

I also thought the swelling may have spread to my boobs too, as they seemed to be busting out of the bras that I bought. .and also in that hope was the thought of it being temporary. Alas..the temps and humidity have left and the boobs are still there in all their glory..so new bras for me again..gah..this pregnancy thing is getting expensive. What also kinda scares me is that I am already at the limit of DD..what comes next and where in the hell do you find those!? Just the other day I realized the shorts that I found on clearance purchased a size too big (at the time) a few months back..do not fit me anymore..so I had to replace those too! The upside is that it will still be blazing hot after the baby is born so when all starts to shrink back to normal I can use them as transition shorts. Gotta look on the bright side!

Oh dear...

At this very moment my baby ticker says I have 107 days to go. My 3 digits of cushion are melting away.. Someone did say to me, "those babies go by fast"..she wasn't kidding! Eep!

~Dancing Queen~

The wee bairn has begin to dance dance dance..all day and almost all night. Scott gets a kick (literally) out of her kicking him when he puts his hand on my belly. He just gets so giddy and the grin on his face could not be any wider. I just laugh and tell him, "See what I have been going through all this time? She beats me up from the inside out!" My belly has even begin to visually move, which is a bit creepy I have to admit. Amazing how strong she is already! Scott keeps saying, "Oh I can't wait until I see an arm move across your belly.." Well keep waiting..it really isn't all that comfortable to be honest when she decides to do her flips, jumps, and kicks, especially when my bladder seems to be the dance floor!

On another note, I do seem to be feeling better although the congestion won't quit. I don't think I'd mind so much if I was able to blow my nose and be done with it. As it is, it's going to opposite direction, which basically makes me gag all day long.

Room still isn't painted.

Oh well!

~Just add insult to injury~

So, not only do I have heartburn, hemorrhoids, and a unhappy sciatic nerve, but now a sinus infection and all its glories. Ever sneeze or cough with hemorrhoids? Yeah..it's no fun let me tell you. This really sucks. Thankfully I don't have a prissy doctor, so I am on round 2 of the Z-Pak, Claritin, Benedryl, and Puffs Plus with Vicks (best invention ever) so hopefully this will be cleared up by the end of the week. Needless to say all that painting I was so psyched up about doing..yeah..the room is still white and waiting.

~Committed to paint color~

Well, I bit and bought the paint for the room. And yes I did splurge and pay over $47 bucks for this fancy Benjamin- Moore zero VOC paint that is LEED Certified, Certified GreenGuard for CHildren and Schools, 100% acrylic, virtually odroless and all that jazz. I think Scott would think I was uits if I decided I wanted to change all the paint in the house to this type, but I actually got no argument at all from him when wanting to use it in the baby's room.

Maybe because he himself is currently studying to become LEED Certified himself, or he just knows that right now when I make my mind up one something there is no changing it unless he wants to pay the hormonal fee, which assure you is not pleasant.

Now that I see in the picture it seems that the color I chose does not match the valance, however, I assure you that in real life, it certainly does.

~The saga of the belly-ring~

So, I thought I was doing the right thing purchasing a PFTE belly ring for pregnancy. For those of you who are not familiar with what PFTE is basically flexible Teflon tubing that can be sterilized and is used in surgical procedures throughout the USA. It is used widley in the creating of belly rings that are recommended for pregnant bellies seeing it can flex with your body and all that jazz.

So I buy one and go to my local piercer, Georgina Williamson of Black Diamond Body Piercing, LLC, so she can change it out for me. Why? Well, I have read that some piercings, no matter how long you have had them in can close within days or even minutes, and I wasn't taking any chances.

I go, and we change it out, no big deal. It's fine for the next few days and then suddenly WHAM..the pain, the redness and the seeping comes. I tried to fix it with saline soaks and Dial soaks; I basically treated it like a new piercing, but nothing worked, the problem seemed to stalemate.

So I go back and ask her what to do. She recommends replacing the PFTE with a surgical steel rod because it seems like I am having an allergic reaction to the PFTE, which, is not unheard of I later researched. Within a matter of minutes my belly already felt better with the surgical steel and it has been less than 24 hours and it already looks better.

Of course Scott was just grossed out by the whole thing, and he says it looks funny and makes my belly not look cute anymore seeing the rod is so long. Although I don't think my belly looks cute now anyways, but I assured him that it's a temporary thing and the reason the rod is so long is so my body can grow around it, and in a few months it will not look that out of place. He is such a "in the moment" kind of guy sometimes so it was hard for him to visualize. And of course, going back to my previous post of not feeling sexy, his comments made my hormones rage and I wept like a little kid who lost their favorite toy to the neighborhood bully.

It's a beautiful thing, right?

Gah..if you can get past the heartburn, headaches, and hemorrhoids!

I feel like I am 100 years old. Between my sciatic nerve and my new found friends "The Hemorrhoids", life couldn't be better!

I bought a 'sitz bath' and and slowly becoming a large shareholder in Tucks.

I mean seriously, I was having issues feeling sexy before and now, well forget it. The only way I know what sexy means is to look it up in the dictionary.

I can't see my knees, my left leg cramps up when I get up from a sitting position, I burp (and fart) all night long, and it hurts to take a shit and to wipe my own ass. If this is what pregnancy is like, kill me before I get to experience what "old" feels like.

~Registering~

So with the aid of a very good and patient friend I braved the strange new world of Babies R' Us. Without her knowledge of all things pertaining to baby, I think the closing staff would have found me huddled in a corner holding onto a new found blankie muttering things like "pack n play" and "strollers" over and over again in complete and utter delirium. As it was I saved from this fate by said good and patient friend and ended the quest with what I thought to be a mild success and a belly full of Red Robin guacamole bacon cheeseburger with a chocolate malt chaser.

I say "mild success" due to the fact that I was having OCD issues with matching sets and having a mental blockage about how in the world can these be the only colors/patterns I can choose from? So after selecting what I thought to be the best representation of said items (so I could remember what 'system' I wanted), and after the food hangover had passed, I sat down at my trusty computer and logged in to one of the best kept secrets (I think) on the planet: http://www.myregistry.com, which I learned about in my prenatal yoga class (which I have to give props to here because I love it so so much: http://www.lotusyogaspace.com/). I heart this site. In a nutshell, you can shop any online (or offline) store in the world and add whatever you see to your registry. This allows you to get register for whatever you want where ever you want, and also allows you to shop around for the best prices on each item. It is fabulous.

So, I had the Babies R' Us registry in one tab (my reference point), the My Registry in a second tab and then a product review guide in a third tab. Not to mention all the other tabs I opened up here and there for comparison price shopping. Happily, after I had finished I was able to add exactly what I wanted and not have to settle for patterns or colors I just didn't find all that appealing. Needless to say when I was done selecting, deleting, and reading, I had a raging headache and was pining for a nice glass (or bottle) of wine, which of course I was not able to indulge in.

On the whole though, I think I might actually be finished, which is a good thing because it is one less thing I need to get done but on the bad side it will give me oodles of time to second guess myself and wonder about this and that as the shower invitations will not go out for at least a month now.

Pink or Blue?

So we were finally indulged by the doctor and on March 12 we found out we are having a little girl! Yay! We are so excited and could not be happier.

We went browsing for furniture yesterday and found some nice things..and they didn't smell funny either which was nice. I do recall going shopping with a very dear friends for furniture for her little one and she noted to me most of the stuff "smelled like chemicals". Turns out she was totally right! Most of the stuff *does* smell 'odd', but then again it is difficult to find something that smells like wood too. So anyways..my point is, the stuff we found smelled like neither..so I was good with that.

Thinking of a pink and brown theme for the room with pink walls (of course!) to boot! Scott is gong to be thrilled to paint that room again..haha..oh well..he won't let me do it so I guess he is the only one left!

~Pampering~

Ahh..so I have just come off a weekend of much needed pampering. Jeff had a business sort of weekend he needed to attend at the "Cranwell resort & Spa" in Lenox Massachusetts and so of course the ladies tagged along.

Friday began with a pedicure and a leisurley stroll through the Outlets. We knew we were coming back on Saturday so this was kind of a preview day. Light kunch back at the Spa and then a plesent afternoon of quiet and reading. And seeing Jeff was required at his company's table for dinner, room service rounded out the day. On saturday we woke and were ready to shop! Although I have to say since the lady I went with is also pregnant and due in June, clothes shopping was not nearly as much fun as it had been in past visits to Lenox. So man things in J.Crew we just sighed wistfully at and moved on. So what's a girl to do? A girl buys an adorable pink canvas purse from Polo..those always fit!

Later that day after a brief stint in my whirlpool tub (I so need one os these in my house!) I went for my first pre-natal massage. It was wonderful..this woman left no muscle wanting. By the time I went to dinner that night with everyone I felt like a bowl of jelly and was useless! But it was so worth it!

I was going to go to my first pre-natal Yoga class monday, however, Jack Frost had other ideas and dumped 12 inches of snow on us that day and the studio was closed. I guess I have to wait anoither week!

~Top 25 Things~

So here is my list of Top 25 Things people may or may not have told you about pregnancy.

1. You will puke so violently that it will come out your nose.
2. You will not be able to sit in a restaurant for more than 10 minutes.
3. You will smell..down there.
4. One minute you are fine, the next you are ravenous but yet only eat 5 bites.
5. Your body will cue you as to what you need; throw beliefs aside and eat at will.
6. If you get sick, you certainly can take an antibiotic and all will be well inutero.
7. Ice cold water is the best beverage ever.
8. You will not gradually get tired; you will crash...hard.
9. You will be wearing maternity clothes sooner than you think; embrace it and be comfortable.
10. Everyone will have an opinion on how to raise the child that is not even born yet.
11. You will need to pee every 10 minutes and then when you finally go, it's a dribble.
12. The smell of your own crap will make you want to puke.
13. Your boobs will get humongous overnight.
14. Throw out all your underwear and start new.
15. You and only you know your body; get advice from your post pregnant friends and your doctor and then do what feels right for you.
16. Say yes when offered free maternity clothes for short-term rental.
17. Hang out with other moms for some on the job training.
18. This is not the time to be squeamish about anything.
19. Your face will either break out like a 14 year old or you'll have the most beautiful skin of your life.
20. You will gain lots of weight.
21. Your husband will see you as the sexiest woman alive.
22. You will fart and belch, putting Fraternity Brothers to shame.
23. People will touch your belly and it's o.k. to tell them not to.
24. No matter how organized and ready you think you are, when the time comes, you probably won't be.
25. When you cough or sneeze, you'll end up peeing your pants.

Uncooperatiive!

Is this an omen of things to come? I hope not. Yesterday we went to the OB/GYN for the initial Downes Syndrome Screening. They do this nowadays by measuring the skin on the back of the baby's neck; thin is good, thick is bad. Amazing they can do this from an ultrasound! Anyways the little peanut just did not want to lay the right way, even after I jostled him/her about several times. We did get some new pictures which Scott has dubbed "Skelator", and I have to say, that is a pretty accurate description right now. So yeah, we have to go back next week and try again.

We could see all the vertebre clear as day, straight as an arrow, plus the fingers and legs; especially after I agitated him/her..man did s/he dance up a storm! The ultrasound tech did mention that she thought the sex could be a ______ due to something she saw on the ultrasound and indicated to us what that was, but she said not to quote her on it becasue in reality it was too soon to tell, however, if she is right it will confirm my belief. So we'll just have to wait and see!

Finally.

Finally..both sets of parents know and now I can tell all my friends. That secret was so hard to keep. I was so anti-social since we came back from our vacation in December because I knew if I physically spoke to any of my friends or saw them out, I'd run my mouth and spill the beans. I know you all understand because most all of you have been there already, and I thank you for still being my friends even though I pretty much ignored most of you for the last 10 weeks.

So we told my parents in California Pizza Kitchen..not exactly when we wanted to do but it was our only choice. My mom was so cute..she hugged the picture, cried some, and then sat there swaying back and forth with this massive grin on her face clapping her hands softly going, "eeeeeeeeee!" Adorable. Then she proceeded to down and entire Maragrita in about 5 minutes. My dad was more subdued but no less excited. He was grinning from ear to ear.

One set down one to go!

OK so change of plans..happily I might add. We went out for Scott's mother's birthday last night, so we got to do the reveal a day early. She was so excited..more so than I imagined. She actually cried. Although I have to say it was pretty funny how it happened.

So we give her her present..framed pics of the ultrasound..she opens the box and is chatting away in her usual blonde oblivious manner.."oh, you got me a frame..how nice! I saw these frames in Pottery Barn..yadda yadda..." The The little brother who is in school for Physical Therapy and knows an ultrasound when he sees one says really quietly, "Hey..isn't that an ultrasound?" meanwhile Scott's mom is still blabbing about the frame, not even aware of what her youngest son just said. Then he pipes up and says, "Mom..don't you see what that is?!"
"Oh..oh..OH! Oh my God...!" She puts it to her chest and cries. It was great.

So then we go out to eat..and his dad joins us..he sits down, gets himself settled and we order our food. Then Scott blurts out, "So, Dad..how would you like to be called 'grandpa'?
"Really?" Big grin. "Wow..hey that's great!"

It was a good night.

The big reveal is this weekend!

Oh yay..this should be fun. So tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with Scott's parents and brothers seeing it is his mom's birthday. So I decided, and we are using this tactic on both sets of parents, that we would make soem copies of the ultrasound pics and put them in a box, all wrapped up with Christmas wrapping paper, and be like, "Oh this just arrived! We had ordered this for Christmas for you guys and it came late..so sorry..here..Merry Christmas!" Then sit back and watch the fun. Evil I know, but totally unexpected at the same time.

I'm bummed we are tellign Scott's parents first, but you gotta make compromises, and also too, I know she wont be nearly as excited as my own mom..so whatever. It will still be fun.

Ta-dah!

It is official..just came back from the OB and we are officially 9 1/2 weeks pregnant! WOOHOO! That gives us a due date of August 8 2009..God help me with two Leos in the house!

Scott came with me to the appointment and he was so thrilled..especially when we got to hear the baby's heartbeat..so fast! Also the little critter was not happy to be poked and prodded with the wand..movign all around trying to get out of the way..too funny.

Doctor said everything looks great and I am due back in 3 more weeks for another ultrasound and then 2 weeks later to see him...prolly to go over the bloodwork I got done today..5 viles..good grief..what are they going to do..sell it on the black market?