~Ugh.,.~

I don't feel like failure, but I'm not patting myself on the back here either. I broke down this morning and gave Madelyn her first (and hopefully last) bottle of formula (Enfamil Gentlease). Why did I do it you must be asking yourself, especially after I went on and on about how much I loved breast feeding and how well she was doing. OK well here are my reasons:

Last night was, in a nutshell, horrendous. Actually, the last 2 nights were horrendous. For example, we'd wake at midnight and it would take her 1.5 hours to eat from both sides. Why so long, oh lets count 3 or 4 diaper changes per feed (she craps like no body's business), and at least 5 burps we have to get up and out of her. Then she'd decide she wanted a break and would do one of three things; fall asleep, do aerobics or play what I call "the latch game". First things first, falling asleep sounds great but in reality it is a ploy; she isn't really asleep. If she was really sleeping then me getting up from the rocker and putting her to bed would not rouse her, but in fact when I take the plunge and decide to get up and put her to bed, she in fact opens her eyes and looks at me like "how dare you move me". So yeah, the book will not be judged by its cover.

By "dancing" I mean she will stare out into space and move her legs as if she is dancing, swimming, running, whatever..and in the process of her doing her calisthenics, she kicks me in the gut or boobs. Highly unpleasant and extremely annoying. During these work outs she will not latch..at all.

Now the "latch game" which I think Madelyn finds hysterically funny given the faces that she makes while doing this, is probably one of the most painful things I have ever endured. This is where she will latch for like 30 seconds (or less) and then unlatch, then relatch and unlatch, and well you get the idea. And for anyone who has ever breastfed you know the latch is the most painful and hardest part of the whole process. Needless to say after 2 nights of this fiasco my nips are sore and swollen and the thought of having her latch one more time...yeah...

So my boobies needed a rest, and I gave it to them, sue me. Although I did pump twice this morning and got 4 oz each time in about 40 minutes. My goal here is to use one bottle for one night feeding now and the nuse the boob for the other, but then again...

OK you know how they say to time your feedings, right? You don't count when you ended but when you started, so like if you start at 1:00 you do the next one at 4:00 and then the next one at 7:00 etc etc..if you are on a 3 hour scheduale. Well, this is how it went down last night/yesterday (and yes I tried everything else before I gave her the boob again and again):
4:36AM-5:50AM
9:26AM-10:30AM
12:46PM-1:30PM
2:00PM-2:20PM
3:40PM-4:00PM
4:20PM-4:40PM
5:00PM-5:20PM
8:22PM-10:20PM
12:22AM-2:00AM
2:30AM-300AM
4:00AM-5:00AM (massive crying fit; put her in a "safe place", popped some ear plugs and slept..finally)
8:50AM-9:30AM (4 oz formula feed)

See my issues right now? Oh and not to even mention that in this time frame we had 19 poopie diapers.